I'm trusting my instincts!

This should have been posted DAYS ago, but I lost my life to the man. And by "the man" I do not mean a handsome, caring man that cooks me dinner, because I haven't seen my boyfriend for longer than an hour in almost two weeks. I mean the man of life and work. The week before Christmas is the perfect time to get a new job and get sick.

I trusted my instincts and went to the ortho and said, "this doesn't look right." He said "you're right. This tooth needs to be engaged."

And then, he said what I have never heard any ortho or assistant say so far.

"I'm really sorry. This is really really going to hurt."

And it did. Within a minute my tooth was moved almost completely back in line.

Photo from today, back in line!!

Merry Christmas to everyone who reads this!

A Reason for Concern

Last night I discovered the following:

Look on the bottom right. The three teeth left of the hole. The two teeth have the chain on the inside to rotate to tooth next to the hole. It seems in doing so knocked back the third tooth from the hole. Compared to Wednesday's photo, it is clear.

Yikes! I knew I was having a lot of pain the last couple days. It might be "a part of the plan" but I think I'm gonna call the Doc anyway. This just can't be right.

There is a Light...

... at the end of this wire stabbing, tylenol popping, speech lisping, liquid diet, dark, dark, tunnel.

HUZZAH!!!

No the braces are not off yet. But it's so much closer I can feel it!! Just two days ago I was saying how I needed a Rally. Well, I think I got one!

Today was my 12 week appointment. For those who follow religiously, it was supposed to be Dec. 16th but they moved it. Yay for me!

Comments from the Doctor:

"Honey (he calls me that) you are doing a great job. Those teeth are really looking great!"

"Your left side is almost completely done, that's the side to cheat on the rubber bands, if you're going to."

"Maybe we should just take them off now!!"

I swear he said that last comment. I swear. I swear on my braces. And if I'm wrong, well then you'll just have to take my braces away from me, now won't you?

The lady at the front desk even said they are looking great!

To keep things moving they did tons of work today. And I am just PLEASED! First off, probably the best news ever, the news I have waited for 9 months for- THE BITE RIM IS GONE!!!!

It's so amazing! I am lisp free!! The weirdest part though is that the gum overgrew a little since I couldn't brush it but apparently it will move back.

Also, the slinky-spring thing did its' job and is off too! I am thrilled for that because that was a pretty big source of pain. Unfortunately, while doing its' job and making space for an implant, it rotated the tooth next to it, which now has to be rotated back. So I have a weird metal chain on the inside of my teeth now. More pain, and cuts my tongue, but hey, I feel like it is a trade off you know?

Ok, there is a slight negative (I mean besides the obvious, glaring, excrutiating pain that has become a part of my daily mantra). I got a new rubber band formation, back to 4 bands, and one of them is what you might say, more visible. BUT! The visible one only has to be worn at night!

So the plan for now is the next scheduled appointment - Feb 17th. And then we will check what else is to be done, but I should be close to having them off. I'm still shooting for no later than March 16th, exactly a year.

For a nice closing, I include another comparison photo. I know, I know, you're sick of my face.

So just look at my teeth, geez.

Braces are trying to Rally!

264 days have passed since THE DAY.

Isn't it incredible how time passes?

101 days until ONE YEAR.

I feel like a contestant on the biggest loser when they are under 300 lbs for the first time in ten years. And they stand there, half naked, on national television, and cry, and promise to make it to their goal.

Except I am sitting in an office, surprisingly not crying.

My frustration mounts on all accounts. I see casting notices everywhere and all I want to do is submit, but I know its a waste of paper and serious cash that I do NOT have. Speaking of, has anyone who ever entered credit card debt thought to themselves, how am I spending money that I don't have? Like WHERE dies it come from? Who did I borrow it from and is it actually just pretend money? Perhaps this is the ENTIRE reason that the economy flopped. We are all spending money we don't have because for some reason we forget that its not real.

Sorry for the sidebar, money is all I think about these days.

I feel like this is the moment in the braces career where I am supposed to rally. I need to find the energy from somewhere, build it back up, and Rally...

Oh I know I'll write a movie about my braces, fund it on kickstarter.com, and star in it!

Except, isn't the expression "PUKE AND RALLY?" Yikes. Maybe that explains the current phase.

* Stay tuned for news about my upcoming film project! And how you can donate to help me make it a reality!

Bridesmaids are Beautiful whether Blonde, Blue Eye-shadowed, or Braced

I know this may come as a complete surprise to you, but Braces do not exactly CLASS UP a formal event. Shocking I know.

Let me back track for a second. I am in my mid-20's which means most of the people in my life are embarking on huge life changes. And I include myself in that list, but for some reason my life changes are not accompanied with a registry, haha. Currently, I am in the midst of Wedding Bonanza 2010 with 2 weddings down, 1 wedding to go. I am quickly approaching the last, perhaps the most significant one of them all- my sister's. In 2 weeks I will be the only girl in my family left to bear the last name that I actually do not always bear. (bare? bear? whatever).

Last weekend I stood up as 2 of my dearest friends married each other after dating for about 10 years. They have been together for so long, the wedding almost seemed like deja vu. It wasn't until the brides Dad walked in the room and saw his daughter in her wedding dress that I realized, oh my god, she is getting MARRIED. It is actually HAPPENING.

I am having a hard time really believing that my sister, my roommate of 14 years, my best playmate, and fashion consultant, is getting married. I still remember us like this(Abbe's in green, Maggie-the bride- is in Purple, and I-the baby- am in red):

WHOA, I DIGRESS, INTO SAPPY TOWN, USA.

So where do my Braces play into all of this? (Seriously Chelsea, stick with the subject (seriously stop talking to yourself in 3rd person))

Well, getting married is a HUGE deal. SO huge in fact that in order to document it and savor the moment forever, people hire Professional Photographers!! Which means yet again these braces are famous whether I want them to be or not.

My preparation for these weddings included hair, makeup, manicure, pedicure, new shoes (Payless but still), new jewelry, Bridesmaid dresses, new undergarments to ensure you do not fallout of said Bridesmaid dress. In addition to these I am having the ties on my braces changed so my teeth look crispy clean!

For the Baltimore wedding I did my very best all week to keep the teeth clean. Drank any dark drinks through a straw, brushed constantly (although that is per usual), and carried around my picks everywhere. So the wedding comes, I jammed a toothbrush and toothpaste into my silver sparkly beaded purse, and I'm set right? Well, I would have been but there were unseen events!!!

We hadn't eaten from 11am until 8pm. I am STARVING. We are patiently waiting to do some quick wedding photos before we can finally enter the cocktail hour. THEN, the kind waiter brings some hors' dourves for the Bridal Party. The Bride and Groom are missing because the car never picked them up from the church so we have about 5 minutes to chow down, without an opportunity to brush my teeth before photos. Now what would you do? And keep in mind, YOU ARE STARVING. Well, it went something like this:

Despite the fact that Jane looks absolutely disgusted. I am pretty sure we had an awesome time. I'm looking forward to the final wedding in this series!

*AHEM! All photos in today's blog, minus my childhood sister photo cuz that would be just weird, were taken by the talented Jeff Vautin and his iPhone. For a photo of Jeff please back track to last month to see a photo of him and his Bride Jane. They are a smashingly gorgeous couple.

IT COULD BE WORSE:

Trick or Treat, Smell my Feet

I'll cut to the chase, I was Ugly Betty for Halloween:

The only people who guessed what I was had been told ahead of time by Stephan. I think this can be explained by 2 reasons:

1. These people clearly never watched Ugly Betty. Now, I also didn't watch much Ugly Betty, BUT I once played the love interest of Michael Urie in a staged reading in New York, so by default I don't HAVE to watch Ugly Betty. (I think Kevin Bacon was there too).

2. They thought I was Ugly Betty but didn't want to say it in case I would take offense re: the braces. It's like when you don't want to congratulate someone on their pregnancy, JUST in case they are fat.

Best part of the night? Someone asked me if my braces were fake for the costume!!!

Aside from Halloween, I have some braces related thoughts on my mind that I would like to get off my chest, I mean teeth, whatever. Bare with me-

Having braces is tough. Young, old, broke and paying for them or rich with insurance. It's just tough. It hurts. You look weird. No matter how much weight you lose and how sunny your skin gets, they will still be there, dropping you down a notch.

Having braces that hold you back from your career and your Passion... well thats just a b****.

Seriously, we can go on and on and on about how "you don't look that bad" or "I saw a girl on TV with braces the other day" or "you can still do theatre." But if we get real and you try and tell me I look JUST as good with the braces as without you are full of it or have really bad taste in women. AND if you try and tell me there are tons of braces roles, I will tell you they are for tweens. And there are many TWEENS who are actors in LA with braces who don't have the boobs of a 26 year old (although my chest was this big at 16, I'm just sayin).

So at the end of everyday I have to tell myself, this will get better, they will come off, and not everything will be perfect but this won't be there and you can pursue your life again like every other person trying to achieve something.

And I can perform again.

I can't believe how much I miss it. This is the longest break I have ever taken from acting since my very first play "Oklahoma" when I was 14. In 12 years, I have never stepped away from the stage for this long. You know what I miss the most? Not the dressing rooms, or the applause or the after parties. I miss those 5 minutes on stage, somewhere near the climax where you are so engrossed in the character, you forget you're not her, or that people are watching, and real emotions fly out of you at a pace that is unstoppable.

That is what I miss.

Well, onward and upward.

Slinky's and Success are not necessarily Synonymous.

Remember these? I do. I was definitely a child of the slinky age. In fact recently I was discussing with friends our jealousy of the children with the kid size range rover's and jeeps you could ride around in. We were not the rich kids with jeeps. I had toys like the wooden bowl with the string and ball. Or this slinky here. Am I jealous now of these kids with jeeps? Sure, they are now referred to as the kids with Mini Coopers and BMW's. If I had a kid would I get them a kid size jeep? Of course not. They can have just as much fun with a slinky or a basketball.

Right now you are probably wondering why I am going on a rant about slinky's. Well, the answer is because I have one in my mouth.

For real.

Except this slinky SUCKS.

Basically they put this coil looking thing to push those two teeth apart. AND IT HURTS. I need 8mm to get the implant and apparently I have it in the gum line but not at the top where the two teeth tip together.

That reminds me of a speech we use to do in high school before a show:

The tip of the tongue,

taking a trip,

of three steps,

down the palate,

to tap at two

upon the teeth.

Sorry, today is clearly a day where my mind wanders. It must be the i-buprofen. Or, OOOH something shiny...

So anyway. My trip to the ortho today was just to get my ties changed (All-you-can-eat Korean BBQ, while delicious, stains my braces) and report the info on the 8mm. I walked out with the slinky. But I also have an achievement!

I AM DOWN TO THREE RUBBER BANDS. WOO HOOO!!!!

Apparently my teeth are touching on their own on the left side so I don't need that triangle rubber band! Success!! Huzzah!! Woo Hoo!! I can officially chew with half of my mouth!!!!!

A couple new photos for viewing pleasure:

This is where my teeth touch!

You can see part of my bottom teeth when I smile!!

7 Month Anniversary!

Its my 7 month anniversary!! I realize its not as exciting as my 6 month anniversary, but it means I am over half way!!!! (I HOPE!) So I decided to show some photos!!

Day 1:

Day 210 (today):

Look at my beautiful curves!!!! Oh, I am so proud of myself. It's like I've worked out for 7 months and I'm flexing my muscles for you. Except not.

This makes it all worth it.

I think.

My Wedding Day... (I mean Jane's Wedding day, easily confused)

Well I did it. I put on a beautiful dress and walked down the aisle to a beautiful song. People looked at me from all sides, smiling, as I headed straight for a man in a tux... And then I turned the corner and waited with the other girls who had done the same thing.

Jane and Jeff got married!!!! They are two of my dearest friends whom I introduced to each other so I was rather proud. I even got to speak at the wedding!!

Apparently I didn't think everyone in the back saw that I was a grown woman/bridesmaid in braces so I had to make this face. Now I think everyone knows.

I have to say I go back and forth as to how I feel this will all affect me in the end. I know what you (hi mom) might be thinking. But they are only braces? What's the big deal? The Big deal is how I feel with them on and what happens to my confidence. This wedding was a gathering that included people I hadn't seen in months, and years. Since not everyone stalks me on the internet the reactions varied.

I had a handful of people comment that they read the blog. To that I say thank you. Thank you for addressing the fact that this is your first time seeing me altered while saying you know and everything is cool. AND, geez, thanks for reading the blog. This was the best interaction of all. The worst? Someone across the room recognizing me after 4 years, making their way over to say hello and at 1 foot away their entire body jerking as if it had been lasso'ed by a noose while their face turns white as if they have seen a ghost. Am I exaggerating? Perhaps, but only about the excitement of recognizing me.

But thats ok. This is when I pretend you had an inner monologue about how startled you are to see a woman look SO GOOD in braces. Like I look better now THAN EVER.

If only I believed that.

On that note here is a picture of the bride and groom:

The Good Hurt

You know when you go for a run or lift weights and your muscles start to really ache and although it hurts and all you want to do is stop you know that means it is working and your muscles are getting stronger? You know the good hurt? That's what my teeth feel like today.

Yesterday was my regular orthodontic checkup or as I like to call it, "going in to get my teeth cranked." Again, for what feels like the hundredth time I forgot to take asprin beforehand. The pain was tolerable this time but the tech said , and I quote, "you just looked at me with murder in your eyes." Whoops.

There have been additions to my braces!! I got something called a button glued to the inside of one of my teeth. (circled in red, the red arrow is pointing out my new zit. My face is still getting used to the California smog).

So this button is there to pull that tooth back in line and create a new rubber band configuration seen here:

But don't be fooled. I still have to add the other three rubber bands I had going with this awkward inside out band. I LOVE IT! IT HURTS SO GOOD!!!

I did ask Dr. Newhart in a round about way when they were coming off and he caught on to me. He is too smart for me! But he did say my teeth were moving beautifully and I could ask when they were coming off next time, which is December 16th!!!!

The pain of it all was quickly forgotten by my unexpected hang out with an old college friend who happened to be in LA!

Inspiring my Teeth to Move Faster

Inspiration is something everyone needs, myself included. We all have our own personal ways of finding inspiration for whatever it is we have set out to achieve. For instance, a dear friend of mine who is a very talented writer and overall awesome human being finds his inspiration in theatre, coffee, and whiskey. All successful muses for him.

I have a few. The embarrassing one is watching people on the "Biggest Loser" win a mile race and then cry and then see they have lost 10 pounds.

Lately I have been feeling inspired by my Alma Mater, The University of Michigan.

First of all not one, but TWO of the awesome actors from my acting program have made huge accomplishments this week! Jimmy Wolk starred in Lonestar on FOX (watch it tonight) and had a supporting role in You Again with Betty White!! I wonder if he asked her about St. Olaf. (Too soon for a Golden Girls joke?)

Then my dear friend and always a positivity of light Darren Criss booked Glee!!! Wooo HOoooo!!

Not to mention the awesomeness of the new Starkid Theatre all the Michigan Grads are working on in Michigan/ Chicago ( Nick Lang if you are reading this, I think you still owe me a dance from Theatre Prom and I have not forgotten. You can't wear a ruffled shirt, and then not give the girl a proper dance. Clearly I'm still upset).

Finally, you should already know this, including you Adam my Ohio State friend, that Michigan is having one of the best football seasons in a LOOONNNNGGG TIME.

GO BLUE!!

So with my fellow Alums and School giving me so much inspiration, I have set out some game plans. I have a Game Plan for how to get "back in the black." I also have one for my career. And now I am working on one for... you guessed it, these old braces.

So here's the setup: It's Monday. My next ortho visit is Wednesday. That gives me 2 days to pull the teeth completely into alignment so they will come off on Weds. OR at the very least pull them in enough so they take these GOD FORSAKEN TURBOS OF THE BACK OF MY TEETH!!!!!!! Then I'm going to call the play "taken them off" which is where I casually but sternly convince to Dr. To take them off before Christmas. Since this will never work I have the followup play called "take them off by mid January so I am not an Aunt for the first time with braces." I think that one is self-explanatory.

And BREAK!

Hail, Hail to Michigan. Get these things off my teeth.

"California Braces Showdown the Entertainment Industry"

by Chelsea O'Connor

September 16th, Friday at 4:36pm a statement was issued signed by all film production companies in Los Angeles after a week long meeting held in Hollywood. It exclaimed that all production houses in LA would no longer employ performers of the "character" type. "In light of the recent economic situation and the rising popularity of Reality Television, the film producers met in an attempt to turn around this failing industry, and this is the agreement we have reached," Mark Stalin, CEO of Dreamworks. "It has been made clear to us that while the average American is now sitting at home drinking, eating, watching TV, wallowing in self-pity over their inability to afford their gym membership they had more for the look of the card in their wallet than the actual use of the gym, they would prefer to look at pretty people."

Aside from just preferences a researcher from Harvard's psychology department thinks there is even more to this. Jane Dykema PHD says, "The best way to get people working again is to encourage them to go back to school. The top 3 available job positions in this country are Doctors, Lawyers, and Policeman. Coincidentally, these are also the most popular TV dramas. And if we only cast attractive people with unobtainable bodies in these roles, the statistics tell us that people will go back to school. It's science."

This statement was released at 4:36pm Friday afternoon. At 7pm Friday evening, the time when all the associates and assistants of the Producers, Casting Directors, and Writers finally get to leave to salvage their weekend, they were greeted with a protest from a single person. In each film lot a young woman, whom upon further inspection was wearing braces, was blocking the entrance to the gate. The associates were stuck inside their film lots all weekend until 10AM this Monday morning, two hours after their workday was supposed to begin, one hour before their boss would arrive.

Our sources tell us these girls are part of a Character Actor Coalition, led by none other than Chelsea "Leinberger" O'Connor, who was posted at the Paramount Lot. Clearly some misgivings took place. The associates and assistants in all locations except at HBO and ABC Family were found this morning burning copies of the memo from Friday afternoon's proceedings and plastering posters outside the building saying "let people be fat" "bring characters back" "braces are nerdy/hot."

Some witnesses from the weekend said these girls led them in sing-alongs around the memo created campfire and regularly stood on soapboxes giving speeches and showing clips from TV's "The Biggest Loser."

Assistants at HBO and ABC were interviewed this morning about their studios lack of revolt. They both wished to remain anonymous but gave statements to our reporter. The HBO assistant said, "We signed that document with our fingers crossed behind our back. Have you ever watched our programming? We won't get rid of weird people. We just had a party in the lot with our braceface. Sarah Jessica Parker even showed up!"

The ABC Family assistant was difficult to understand due to lack of vocal inflection but was quoted saying, "We love Mickey Mouse. We love family shows. We love people like us."

The LAPD ascended upon these bracketed woman who were clearly seeking selfish revenge, but all of them got away due to these real policeman's lack of physical fitness.

Clearly a change has come to the film industry. Again. Since the change that came last Friday.

Happy 6 Month Anniversary!!

I am not one for celebrating anniversaries. The only "anniversaries" I ever had were dating and living in New York. As far as dating anniversaries go... meh. I know most girls might disagree with me. But seriously, if you're not married it just never completely made sense to me. (not to say that I didn't celebrate said anniversaries. It felt very adult at 16. And by now you should know I'm EXTREMELY adult.) Stephan and I have been dating roughly a year and three months, give or take. I use roughly and give or take because we aren't even sure when we started dating.

But today I am reconsidering anniversaries in general.

Why? BECAUSE IT IS MY 6 MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF WEARING BRACES.

Now I have never been married that I know of. (Vegas in the 7th grade was crazy. Maggie and I won 2,000 tickets at Circus Circus and drank too much Coke. Anything could have happened.) I also have never had a child. (Can you picture me pregnant with braces? It is the funniest thought to my friend Kirsten. Her and I disagree on this). And finally, I have never retired from a job after 50 years. But I HAVE graduated from high school and college. So I am slightly aware of what accomplishment feels like.

So I ask all those reading this who previously wore braces, didn't you feel a lack of congratulations and pampering on the anniversaries of your braces?? Shouldn't people have made you a cake saying "You made it this far!" or "Congrats on looking better!" or even "That much closer to not being weirded out by your smile!" I want to go back to my middle school brace-free self and bake a cake for all of my friends when they hit an important brace marker and then throw them a party when they come off!

Today is MY anniversary. To celebrate, I did a few things. First, I wrote a Braces Haiku:

I lasted six months.

Keep the pliers away, so

I'll make it six more.

Then, I took my braces to the beach and bought them a gift of 4 tubes of toothpaste. If you feel the desire to celebrate with me, I am registered at: Dr. Newhart Orthodontics in Los Angeles and the dental care section of Target.

Reflection is sweet and so is the chocolate I am eating

The last few days I became aware that I was swiftly approaching my 6 month mark. Can you believe it? I barely can. The only thing that makes me realize I have had them on this long is how I forget I have them, and then look in the mirror and go "what the hell???" I am not 100% sure when they are coming off at this point, which I hear is the norm. I also hear that the norm is not wearing your retainer and all the teeth moving back. To that I say: "That's because you didn't go into bankruptcy to afford them, and all your friends were wearing them too!!!! These b****es are never moving back!!! - so much swearing in this blog. Not the norm for me, but perhaps a side affect of six months in dental agony.

So approaching what I am hoping is my half way mark, I took a look at my old blogs. This is what I have learned: 1. Wow, that whole not eating thing sucked. 2. I can't believe how crooked those bottom teeth were! I am almost embarrassed I walked around like that. (except, not really) 3. I now look at other people's teeth ALL THE TIME . I can't help it. 4. I'm crazy. Seriously. The photo flipping the bird to the dentist?? Who do I think I am ??

Awesome is who I think I am.

Or normal with an internet outlet of blogging and a HUGE lack of shame.

The latter I think. p.s. I've been drinking wine through a straw. this could be the worst or best blog ever. but on my end it is GREAT.

So the question is, what is in store for the next 6 months? Even though the biggest lesson I learned the last few years is that you NEVER know what is in store for you, I do know a few things:

I will be a bracketed bridesmaid THREE times.

My sister Maggie will be married.

My sister Abbe will have her first baby.

I will be a first time aunt - with braces.

And I will live in Los Angeles and bask in the sun.

BE SURE TO CHECK BACK ON SEPTEMBER 16TH FOR A SPECIAL 6 MONTH CELEBRATION!!!!! (or not, you know, maybe it's not your thing) xoxo

Laughing and Crying

In my training as an actress I have learned many "theatre games," which often resemble children's games. But don't be fooled, our games are to be taken very seriously and are for the trained actor only... eh hem. Lately I have been thinking of the simple yet complex improv game entitled "Laughing and Crying."

L & C is a game where the scene partners, often 2 people, begin to laugh. It becomes an infectious, uncontrollable laughter, and at the peak of hilarity the actors begin to cry. The crying turns to wails and as we hit yelps and sobs... you guessed it, laughter again. This is usually a successful game because this is a typical life occurrence that most people can relate to.

I mention this because of my current situation. Let's set it up as a scene shall we?

Interior scene: (day)

The young mid-twenty something female stands in front of the mirror. She leans forward and plucks a white hair from her hairline. She begins to laugh. As she laughs we see the glint of silver in her mouth. This twenty-something has BRACES. The laughter escalates as the sun catches on the metal in her mouth and shines into her eye. Suddenly (cue room tone) it sounds as if she is crying. Her eyes no longer shine, but well into sadness. We see in her eyes a sense of disappointment, fear of failure, and lack of hope. The tears tumble into her mouth and suddenly her eye catches on something. A piece of food lodged in the gaping whole between her teeth. She laughs, at the irony of being an adult with braces and digs in to dislodge the rice from last night's Indian food. Her laughter escalates as she pulls out her trusty rubber bands, all four of them, and hooks them on to her teeth. Immediately the laughter turns into sobs and wails. The rubber bands on the side of the extraction cause excruciating pain that was unexpected by this mid-twenty-something brunette with braces and a few gray hairs.

Laughing and Crying. Very little laughing actually.

Because of the seriously excruciating pain while I wear the bands I went to my ortho to check in and make sure everything was ok. There was no way it could hurt this bad if nothing was wrong. Well... I was wrong. In fact he didn't understand why I had pain at all. Except for the fact that my teeth were now rapidly moving through torn flesh... So he bargained with me and gave me lighter bands to "work my way up." And while I was there he tweaked my braces a little.

End result: Chain on top AND on BOTTOM, 4 rubber bands, and a constant state of being on the verge of tears.

and laughter.

but mainly tears.

Next week I'll compare my life to the classic improve game "difficulty with small objects."

PART 2 **@@&(*(^&$*#&%

Ouch. pics to come. video for now.

ORAL SURGERY TODAY!! Why not have a video???

Ladies and gents, today is the day. Which will win out - Pain or Embarrassment?? My guess is pain. It's always pain. Watch and see....

Unemployment woes... coming to an end? Let's hope.

I started writing a blog yesterday focused on the fact that I believe the #1 reason I do not have a job yet is because I have braces.

Then yesterday I had a panic attack during my interview at the Gap... and they called me back for a second interview today. Then I was offered a babysitting job, followed by 2 interviews for places I had long forgotten I applied. All this yesterday. So clearly I can no longer blame the braces for my unemployment. I CAN blame them for many other things however.

But today I am pondering this: Why is it the older you get the more decisions you have to make? New York or LA? Part-time or Full-time? Broke and creatively fulfilled or Rich and unhappy/ bored out of my mind? Clear rubber bands or colored bands? Mention the braces or pretend they are not there?

3 days ago the options were beg for money on the street or wait tables at a strip club? Today it is babysit or work in retail or in a coffee shop?

I like my new options but choosing is still just as hard. "4 Play Gentleman's Club" was looking really good there for a second.

I can't even make a decision on my new braced headshots. Maybe the blog readers ( hi Mommy) can make my decision for me so it will be one less I have to deal with. Here are the top 5 that have yet to be photoshopped, i.e. taking out the shadows etc.

I know you are sick of seeing my face...

... but in pursuit of what is left of my acting career, scarred by the lack of self-confidence when I open my mouth, I have decided to get "Braces Headshots." For those of you reading this who are not in the entertainment business, you should know headshots are not Cheap. Your hire the photographer, then you hire his recommended makeup artist, then you pay for touchups, then finally you order the 8x10s, the post cards, and the business card prints.

When I first moved to NYC I spared no expense, got it all, including one of the top NYC photographers. www.jordanmatter.com In the end, I spent over $1,000 right off the bat.

When the braces come off (off? did someone say they are coming off? OMG?? WHAT?? Yes! YES! YES!!! oh. me. I said it.)

when the braces come off, I will have to do this all over again. Until then I need a headshot WITH them so when I show up to audition I am not perceived as a BIG FAT LIAR. (although I am trying to get back on the P90x workouts so hopefully they would refer to me as the brace faced liar with sculpted arms).

So today's the day. My lovely friend Bora, not a photographer but an owner of a camera and a creative sensibility, has agreed to take my pictures.

Usually before people get their pictures they stay in all week, drink nothing but water, eat no carbs and get a hair cut. I, on the other hand, have barely been sleeping because of my panicked cover letter filled dreams, followed by coffee - not water- to keep me awake, and can't afford an LA haircut. And then last night I made a colossal mistake. I made CURRY for dinner.

This morning I woke up to neon yellow rubber bands on my teeth.

I hope it looks like I eat boogers. Wish me luck.

For those who missed my anecdotes...

Apologies. Apologies. Unbeknownst to me, my blog writer went on vacation without telling me. How Rude. What? You don't think I write this stuff do you? Please. I am busy and important. I am a blossoming Hollywood starlet. I attend parties all night and sleep all day. I do NOT sit on my balcony on a borrowed folding chair, eating cold pizza, and writing this blog. But if I DID, this is what I would have to say:

SO many changes here in the braces world. First, let me note that I am closing in on the 5 month mark which is kind of the half way mark based on my first orthodontist's positive range of 10-12 months, if I only went 10. So in honor of this not so half way, half way mark, I made a photo montage. Of course I did.

(They are numbered in order. 4 was taken yesterday. aren't they GORGEOUS???)

Also I turned 26. I had my official cross over to late twenties. With braces. HOT. But since I know very few people in LA, only 5 people attended, and one of them was my boyfriend Stephan. So I think maybe it didn't count? Like 10 or more people have to witness your birthday or it never happened? Something to think about. Although after 35 everyone might start hiding in closets on their birthday.

I GOT AN APARTMENT!!! Ugh, seriously what a feat. No more gypsy life for me. I have hit my moving limit. Plus of not having an address on your birthday? I have been receiving belated birthday gifts in my new home! Yay! I must say, the braces were an interesting part of apartment hunting. The landlords were either like "Oh my gosh you are so cute. I hope you like this apt." And some were immediately like "How old are you???" Like I wouldn't be able to pay Rent! Like I wouldn't get a job or something!!!

On that note I have yet to find a job. My unpaid internship is completely underway, which means I will be able to pay for air an water. Don't get me wrong, they are totally important items. But I guess I was always after the glamorous life...

Things I would rather do...

than be wearing 4 rubber bands and a rubber band chain at once:

Do 4 workout videos from P90x in a row, including Ab Rippers.
Have to eat liquids for 2 more months.
Be homeless for another month.
Drive through Los Angeles rush hour traffic with no air conditioning.
Drive through Los Angeles rush hour traffic with my 9th grade CD of Dashboard Confessional as my only music option.
Drive across the country... again.
Food poisoning. Because it only lasts a day.

And so much more.

Please pass the prescription drugs/ non prescription drugs/ anything to numb this pain.

And now for your viewing pleasure, a somewhat creepy video found on the internet by none other than Bora Karaca.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIa9GNQA9sw

And so it begins... again.

Today was day one under the care of Dr. Scott Newhart. Needless to say things have changed. Hopefully, for the better! His exact words were "We've got a LOT of work to do."

Perfect. Exactly what I was hoping he would say. I of course never hoped he would say "oh my, your teeth look amazing. Two more months and they are off!"

Because that would be ridiculous.

(brief crying interlude)

Eh hem. Anyway, turns out that in LA they call my bite rim "turbos." Oooooh. I like it. Turbos. It sounds like I could blast off into space by the sparks in my mouth.

So here are the deets on my new treatment: There was chit chat of chains, step ups, and they kept referring to L5. I have NO idea. What DO I know? I have 4 rubber bands in my mouth.

4 - Two on each side!

They are classified on the bag as Extra heavy. Compared to my old bands classified as medium. Um, can you SEE the difference.

Basically what I am trying to say is I am in an unbelievable amount of pain. I don't even have a joke about it. It hurts that bad.

Well, the next step in this process is the removal of my baby tooth. We have been together so long, I am a little nervous about saying goodbye. But I guess it is time to become grown up.

I'm off to take some prescription drugs... Kidding!

... Anybody have any vicodin?

Today's look sponsored by Tylenol.

The metal glistens in the sunshine

I know what you are all wondering. The questions burning in your brain. The reason I know this? Because after being in Los Angeles and unemployed for exactly two weeks I have taken up the art of extrasensory perception ... a.k.a. I'm gonna be a PSYCHIC !!

Genius Right? I know.

So when I look into my crystal ball made out of the empty chinese takeout container from last night, I see that you (the few reading) want to know how LA receives my metal gear.

Well, I'll tell you. Essentially it is like anywhere, some people are nice and some people are jerks. I basically haven't associated too much with the unkind people. But no matter what there is always this look when I open my mouth like "...hhhuh." Usually followed by a reaction similar to "awwwwwww she's so cuuuuute." Or they forget about it.

All in all, not too bad, but I'm afraid of what will happen when I encounter what the actor postings call "LA Types."

The New Orthodontist

The Quest for the NEW Orthodontist

By Chelsea M. L. O.

After living in Los Angeles for 4 days I went to my first ortho consult. I tried to make a couple appointments to see Dr.'s when I got here but Dr. Sack of West Hollywood was the easiest to get in to see. To spoil the end of this story, I cried the entire drive home. And now, a scene (very little has been dramatized for effect).

Dr. S: So why did you move to LA?

Me: Well I was acting in New York, and I moved here to continue acting and working in the entertainment business.

Dr. S: Are you aware your acting career will suffer because of the braces? Agents don't take kindly to that you know.

Me: Yes. I'm aware and I'm pursuing other work right now.

(dialogue intermission due to rubbered hands jammed in my mouth)

(Dr. S begins calling out EXTREMELY insulting statements like "class 2 molars, severe over bite, possible jaw clicking". how rude...)

Dr. S: Are you a mouth-breather?

Me: ( embarrassed gasp) um, yeah, kinda.

Dr. S: That's what I thought. You have inflammation and gingivitis due to your excessive mouth breathing. I want you to see an ENT to fix your mouth/ nose breathing.

... (Dr. babble about how he completely disagrees with my treatment, wants to take my braces off and put new ones on, take new photos for an extra $300, and my treatment will still be $6,000)

then while explaining the lack of my upper lip length, he said ( and I am NOT exaggerating)

"We here in the city look at these details. I mean... this IS Hollywood."

This is the point where I said FU, flipped the bird, and said call my city ortho in New York City where people are smarter, and you can discuss the length of YOUR lip.

No I did not. I sat there while my eyes welled with tears and hated the day I moved to this city.

Lesson to be Learned? I often jump to conclusions and am drastically swayed by people's opinions. It turns out all I had to do was find a Michigander.

Dr. Scott Newhart will be my new orthodontist. While he can never replace Dr. V's place in my jaw he will definitely hold a candle to her. He got his Bachelor's from MSU (ahhhh yes) and he said upon entering the room "you have Michigan skin."

I fell in love.

He gave me a reasonable rate, agreed with my current treatment, and told me I had a beautiful face. He won over my heart, and my teeth.

And the world is right again.