To Sum Up

I got my retainers!!! And they are clear like invisalign trays! (slight disappointment, because perhaps I intended to make webisodes with retainer girl)

My dental dictation is basically done. All that is left is a Bridge for my missing baby tooth. (Donations will be accepted, please contact www.chelseawentbrokefixingherteeth.com)

I started a new blog www.fishwithcrisis.blogspot.com I'm not sure what it will involve. Hopefully no personal arrests or strip clubs. I know I live in (west) Hollywood but let's keep it clean people.

Final thoughts for those reading this that are considering dental work:

I would do it again. Yes, it costs some serious coin. And I am an actress who essentially stopped working for 15 months. And I was embarrassed to open my mouth in front of anyone I didn't know. BUT. Most of the time, unless it's cosmetic, it has to be done. This HAD to be done. And now I can go through the rest of life not worrying about when I will have to suck it up and get braces. Now I can enjoy my beautiful smile, and take pride in my achievement. Because although it doesn't seem like something you achieve, when you get your braces off, you'll see it differently. Or at least I did.

And here's hoping I book a CREST commercial!

It Didn't Happen...

JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!

I am totally braceless! My teeth feel slimy and lacking a dull pain I am so accustomed to.

I am writing this blog from a coffee shop in Santa Monica near my Ortho's office. And almost coincidentally, this is the coffee shop I found about a week after I moved here where I sat down and wrote cards to all the people I stayed with on the road when I moved out west. It feels fitting.

I realize you are only looking for pictures but I want to draw this out... I do have a flare for the dramatic you know.

One thing very few people ever mentioned was the horror of getting them off. I bled. I didn't even know one could bleed from this. It felt as if someone were snapping my teeth off one by one. Then came the polishing which was like getting a brain freeze over and over again, except no one was enjoying ice cream. Not even the technician.

I stood up to rinse my mouth out, drooled on myself, literally, looked in the mirror, and this is what I saw:

The technician said, "you look like you just left a really great party." Yes my face looks like it is covered in Cocaine. At least in the movies it looks like this. My drug knowledge is not very extensive. This in fact is the cement in powder form that he just polished off my teeth.

Then I got to meet the little brats that have SEVERELY interrupted my career and also caused a sore in my mouth for the last 14 and a half months.

Good riddance. I will only miss the humor that you added to my life, and the character that you built for me. I am stronger because of you, but I can do without you now. Au Revoir! Adios! Ciao! Carpe Diem! (wait... the last one... all I remember is Robin Williams. I'm confused.)

And what all of you (or at least I) have been waiting for:

And a close up of the lovely ladies:

Thank you all for reading. Thank you for the encouragement, and stories of your own that you shared with me. I realize that getting braces is not that big of a deal. People do it all the time. The fact that my life's passion and career was put on hold for this small event, made it a much BIGGER event for me. I thank you for laughing with me. Want one more laugh? I have to wear this at night:

The Preperation

Well, I have made it. I haven't been hit by a bus. No one hit me in the mouth knocking my teeth out. No accidental Candy Corn incident.

The Braces come off tomorrow and I am preparing. I am still afraid I will get there and there will be SOME reason they can't come off. Like I screwed up. Or a tsunami hits. But I have prepared.

Foodstuffs that I am excited about have been purchased:

The paper chain is down to a single lonely link:

And I am going to burn my rubber bands:

Well maybe I won't burn them. Then my apartment will smell like burned rubber. But I will Throw them away with VENGEANCE!!!

Is it obvious that I am excited? In truth, I am actually throwing a party on Thursday. Why? Because I am a 26 year old getting their braces off, and I can.

The Sadness Sets In

As I prepare for arrival into the world of post apocalyptic teeth, I have become aware of a very important fact:

THE BLOG IS COMING TO AN END.

Of course it is. I mean, what shall I write about, the use of retainers? How I left them at a restaurant? Or perhaps I'll talk about how EMBARRASSING it is when everyone says, "Wow you have such a GORGEOUS smile."

(The last statement is less oh look how great I look and more about giving myself confidence. I am slightly concerned that things won't look awesome when the braces come off, and then I will be mad at the money and time that I can't get back. P.s. Do you know I could have bought a pretty decent used vehicle with the amount of money that is in my mouth. Seriously, not that I don't love my 10 year old Cavalier with the dents on the passenger side and the shake it gets when I go over 65mph, but I'm just sayin. So my teeth better look like a slightly used car with less than 50,000 miles or I am gonna BREAK SOMETHING. Whoa this is a long tangent, all inside a parenthesis).

A new blog could be exciting, I just have no thoughts on the topic. I refuse to blog about "my life." My life is not that interesting. Sure it has its moments, I live in a big city and see some hilarious things, but for the most part, don't we as people spend 50-80% of our time working or trying to get work? BO-RING. I love being an actor. Love - LOVE it. But the last thing anyone should want to read about is the audition I went on today and how I was awesome/ sucked it up/ fell on my face/ accidentally spit on my scene partner/ the casting director was a guest at my restaurant the night before.

Food blogs have been done, and by people who know more than I. Same goes with "Being Green." Hmmmmm..... Maybe I should run a marathon or something?

If you have any thoughts (Mom, and Caitlyn, I think you are the only two that still read this) lemme know.

Perhaps I should blog about the crazy hoarder who lives below me in my apartment building?

6 days, 22 hours and 32 minutes

The Rapture didn't happen, but you can count your chickens before they hatch that my braces are COMING OFF one week from right now.

Sorry, the blog is nearing the end and I need to include as many messed up metaphors as I can. That's kinda my thing. Mainly because I often don't know they have been poorly placed, or that I got part of the phrase wrong, until someone says something.

So it's definitely happening. And how do I know this? Well a few ways actually. First, OBVIOUSLY the paper chain. Hellloooo. Today's link made me giggle when I tore it, because again, I screwed up a "metaphor" if you will.

Yes I realize what it's supposed to be, but apparently at the time... I did not.

Secondly, I also know its happening because I had a very vivid dream last night/ this morning: They took the braces off and when I looked in the mirror, I only had 3 teeth in my top row. 3!!!! And they were not even the front 2! It was 3 on one side and everyone acted like, well what did you expect, that's how they looked before? It was so real, I woke up and immediately looked in the mirror, almost surprised to find that they were all there.

It almost makes me a little bit nervous about them coming off. Like what if they look worse than they did before. What if I look crazy? I mean I always look crazy but what if I look CRAZIER??

Well I guess I'll just find out!! The next 7 days would be filled with anticipation if I wasn't being worked like a slave by my current employers.

Happy Memorial Weekend! Go eat that Corn on the Cob!

Zen Philosophies... or ramblings

The best thing about a paper chain is that you don't have to do anything, aside from make the chain, but you feel accomplished simply because another day has passed.

So often I wish time moved slower. College could have lasted longer, especially the last year. Certain days I wish would have lasted 48 hours instead of the mere 24. And here I am staring at this chain wishing I were tearing the last link.

Well soon I will be, and then I'll wish I would have done more while the braces were on. Should have worked out more, should have taken more classes, should have met more people in the LA entertainment business. (But I won't go as far as to say I wished my braces were still on).

But the truth is Braces on or Braces off, I am still just me, living another day. And although June 1st will be a great day for sure, what is making any other day less great? The only difference might be that any other morning I didn't wake up with the same hope and excitement for the day.

Well maybe that should change. Because I can still go to the gym more, take more classes and meet people. I can still wake up every day, swallow my fears and hesitations, and only welcome the hope, love, and excitement in my life. And be proud of the fact that I haven't lost sight of my goals and dreams. Copper chops or not.

And seriously, the metal should really have been working as an electric conductor anyway, which would probably up my endorphins. I worked in a power plant so I know these things. So what if it was shoveling coal, I still know it.

26 days... so says the Paper Chain

Ladies and Gentlemen, the clock is ticking down. And in order to make time a tangible thing, my new friend Caitlyn and I have made the ultimate paper chain. It started with a couple sheets of paper, some markers, and wheat thins:

Then we chained it up. We thought there was no way one could make mistakes to the chain, I mean c'mon we made these in the 4th grade. Turns out, you can turn the numbers upside down. Whatever it still works!

Caitlyn did this pose "in case I forgot what the chain was for:

Ahhh 26 days and counting. The freedom is so close. And just for old times sake, here are the final photos of my mouth interiors. This is the way it should stay. Isn't it gorgeous?

Let the Countdown Begin!

I am overjoyed! I am don't even have words for how I feel right now.

That's a lie of course I do.

Today I went to the ortho to have impressions made for my positioner i.e. the plastic thing that comes after my braces and before my retainers. I haven't heard of this before so I am assuming this is a new technology that was unavailable to my friends 15 years ago. First of all G-R-O-S-S. My impressions in NYC were tolerable and tasted like Bubble Gum. These tasted like glue and felt like it too. The tech was having such a hard time getting them out I thought a tooth was going to break off.

20 mins of scraping mold off my braces later, the doc comes over to check my bite. In reminiscence of my earlier days of blogging, I will now shift over to a dialogue scene.

Dr. N: (to the tech) Make sure they leave the gap for L5 (i.e. baby tooth hole)

Dr. N: (to me) Beautiful. That's it. 4 weeks.

Me: 4 weeks? They're coming off?

Dr. N: Yup no more guessing. You can make the appointment.

Me: Oh my God seriously? (Jumps out of chair and hugs Dr. N. Then Jumps on top of chair.) Dr. Newhart and all technicians I just want to thank you for your hard work. I couldn't be here today on the verge of looking slightly better than I did a year ago without all of your help. I will never forget what you did for me. Especially you Eli. I am still upset about that one adjustment. But I thank you. Without pain, there is no...gain. (Wild applause, I kiss each technician on the cheek, and the receptionists toss roses at my feet.

Ok, but seriously EVERYTHING HAPPENED LIKE THAT. Oh except for obviously the ridiculous part. The receptionists don't just keep roses at their desk.

MY BRACES ARE COMING OFF IN 4 WEEKS!!!! That is 2 weeks earlier than the last prediction.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I could put this feeling in words. You know what? As weird as it sounds, considering the only thing I DID was shell out thousands of dollars and wear my rubber bands, I feel a sense of accomplishment. Achievement. I actually followed through on something to the end. Including this blog! Who knew I would actually keep it up for this long!

I am elated!

Happy Valentine's Day...?

I was cleaning my room today - making room for some new bedroom furniture, for those of you who don't know which is probably all of you, I have been living in Los Angeles this entire time without owning a dresser. It started as being too poor, which was still the case until about 6 weeks ago and then I became too lazy.

Well I got a nightstand yesterday and a dresser is on its way! Look at me growing up!

I digress. As I cleaned my room, I found my Valentine's Card from my Mom. I left it out saying, "This must go on the blog!" Well 2 months later here it is.

There are so many reasons why this was hilarious:

1. The inside said, "and it still does." the card manufacturer probably assumed that the adult daughter receiving this card no longer had a childlike smile.

2. I called my mom to thank her for the card saying, "I can't believe you found a card with a girl in braces." and She said, "what do you mean? I didn't find a card with braces?" Now either I'm crazy and seeing things wrong from an inkblot test, or this girl has hearts for braces? My mom's just so used to my look, and loves me like only a mother could, she started to think everyone looked like this.

3. I still wear my hair like that.

One week down, ...potentially, hopefully, please God 8 more weeks to go.

Life Without a Plan...

* Please note before reading that Facebook finds this blog to be abusive. Which means someone flagged my material for abusive content. So if you have a queasy stomach and do not like hearing about teeth and life goals, please step away from the blog.

I am a planner. That's what I do, I plan. I'm not implying that I don't also DO, but I rarely DO without first a PLAN. Your correct response right now should be, "And how's that working out for you?"

You see I often believe so much in the plan that I forget it is essentially a hypothetical situation, a loose outline if you will. I dig in my heels, put my blinders on and set out to achieve this crazy idea, turning down ideas that I would LOVE simply because I hadn't written it down on my "Goal Sheet." (Its pathetic, I really have a goal sheet) So when March 16th rolled around and my braces were still on, all I could think was "THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN!" Well, it's April 14th and I can most certainly say that the braces are on for another month.

Yesterday was my checkup appointment, and although this blog post is starting with a peculiar tone, what I have to share is triumph! I officially have a "date" from the doctor. I know when they should be coming off! Woo Hoo!!!! It is not next week or next month, but at least the end is in sight. (why is she being so weird and hasn't said when the date is yet?) Well, I'm avoiding making yet another plan.

Don't worry, I'm sure I'll explode next week with a countdown. I already have plans to make a paper chain. But come on now, who doesn't love paper chains? We can play Zero the Hero.

I DO need to mention that this is not coming without a cost. When I said "I will do ANYTHING for them to come off before the end of June." He requested a Huckleberry Pie. I of course responded with "I'll make 3!!" He chuckled and I eventually realized I know huckleberry's because they are grown in Michigan. Where am I gonna find them out here??? So I'm on the search.

Also, I am on the search while wearing 4 very visible rubber bands in my mouth, with the instructions, "If you want them off in 9 weeks, you better wear these like a maniac."

So if you find a maniac with crazy eyes, rubber banded mouth, walking through the fruit fields of California, offer me some water cuz I'm probably really thirsty. Oh, can I borrow your chapstick too?

Oops, just told you when the braces are coming off.

Wait.. no WMDs??

I am currently strategizing on my maneuvers for the Preemptive War that will be waged on Wednesday April 13th at 9:30am, my next appointment. Those in the LA area should stock up on water and stand in a doorway.

You might be asking why? what did they/I do? Well if you paid attention during the Bush Administration you would know that they didn't need to do much, or anything at all. But they did.... ooooh they did.

Last week I popped by to fix a bracket and when I engaged conversation with the tech, he implied I had MINIMUM 3 more months, but could be 6 MONTHS. And by implied, I mean he laughed at my silly little thought that they might come off this month.

Now clearly I haven't been forceful enough. I realize that the doc has his reasons for being vague about the end time, but for REAL? 3 MORE MONTHS?? 6 MORE MONTHS??? There is going to be a STERN talking to. STERN! (I just hope that I am the one doing the talking).

This is driving me to drink. And I can't afford to drink. Which means I have become a glutton of Trader Joe's $1.99 wine (yes out in California it actually IS 2 Buck Chuck). I am a wino. This is me declaring my status as a California Surfer Hippie WINO.

Just remembered I don't surf.

And That I believe in Capitalism.

And apparently a Wino is someone who consumes more than 2 glasses of wine per day.

Seriously Dr.??? You can't even give me that??? Now I am just a broad in braces and with a red stained mouth.

Braces are Hazardous

I have come down with yet another sickness and now I believe that my braces are harvesting some sort of bacteria that keeps making me sick. Yet another reason to take them off.

But this is not the height of their hazard.

Due to said sickness/sore throat/yelling over top of a jazz band at a birthday party, I lost my voice and when I do try to speak, loud hacking coughs ensue. The kind of coughing that kept me up at 5am last night. :(

Since I have to talk while waiting tables, my smart idea was to keep a cough drop in my mouth so that I could stop coughing long enough to explain the menu. I was trying to avoid that gross situation where you're like "oh my god our server keeps coughing into her hands and then bringing people bread baskets!"

Instead I created a far worse situation. You see I refuse to take my rubber bands out for longer than 5 minutes because its the only thing standing between me and freedom. But the rubber bands with the cough drop was extremely hard. ... I'll just cut to the chase.

The cough drop flew out of my mouth and landed on the guests shirt.

The irony: she also was a grown woman with braces.

I wish I could say that this was not as bad as it sounds. But in fact, it was actually worse than it sounds. Far worse.

On the bright side, I filed my taxes today.

The fact that this is the bright side means something.

Happy Birthday... jerk.

Yeah yeah yeah Happy Birthday. I used to LOVE birthdays. It's the one day out of the year that its YOUR day. And I really believe that. From the moment you get up until you go to bed, everything gets to be about you. And you don't have to apologize for it. There's no, "Oh you go ahead and have the big piece of cake, " or "Oh no, let me get the check."

Nope. Its your day.

So despite my desire to skip this birthday, I will honor it because I can't help myself. Happy Birthday Braces... you made it a year, and for all I know, you might make it another.

(Please God no...)

Well, I didn't get them a cake, or ice cream. But I did take their picture. In fact, why don't we celebrate their year of growth, shall we?

Day before braces:

Braces Day 1:

One Year Later:

Braces Day 1:

One Year Later:

In a way this year flew by. It seems like only yesterday I had those crazy dagger things on the back of my teeth and I was putting meat in the blender.

I missed my blog last week on the appointment update. I wrote it... and then my time was swallowed whole by work/class/life.

The gist is this: we are waiting until my overbite is completely fixed, and I have no idea when that will be and also, this was not my idea. I was told the line between my top and bottom teeth needs to be gone-

So, next appt. April 13th. I'm disappointed. Mainly for my acting career more than anything. But, I shouldn't put the cart before the horse? Or is this the gift horse one? You know what I mean, I can't stop now.

Delay? I Laugh in the Face of Delay

Two weeks ago the doc had me all freaked that my teeth were having a huge delay because of a bite and midline issue. Well what do I say to that now? Mwah HA HA HA HA.

I discovered in the last couple days that my midline was still off, but in a weird way. Because it was off in the opposite direction. For those who don't know, the midline is the center line between your two front teeth. The hope is that the center line on the top will match up with the center line on the bottom. Well, this entire time My top line was shifted to the left, but YESTERDAY it was shifted to the right!!! So I didn't wear my bands to bed last night and when I woke up, my midline was PERFECT! OMG SO EXCITING!!

So I called the office today, because although my next appointment is on Tuesday, I didn't want to stop wearing the bands and have yet again ANOTHER delay. They said its ok if it over corrects a little but I should now only wear those bands at night.

HOO RA!!!

Yes that is hoo ra like the marines hoo ra that they probably yell after a gun fight. Hoo Ra!

Why else am I so excited? When I bite down, all the teeth hit at the same time! Its like magic!! Its too late now, my hopes are up and I plan to get these FREAKS OF NATURE off my teeth by March 16th. I am determined, it will be done. And when it does I will yell Hoo Ra off of the Hollywood Hills.

Nightmares

I know I promised to write a new blog every week, but that was also when I thought my braces were going to come off by March 16th. Oh, did I just spoil the ending to this post?

So after my trip home I stopped by the ortho because I had a tooth going waaaaay out of line. Turns out this was because its tie had somehow come off, so it was a good thing I went.

UNTIL, I heard the words, "hmmmm there seems to be something off with your bite. Let me get the doctor."

Now I don't really know the details because they were vague and I honestly I'm not exactly sure they understand why, but my bite is off on one side. My question was obviously," Is this going to cause a delay?" The answer, "OF COURSE."

When are they coming off? NO IDEA.

I am losing hope. But I am not losing my imagination. Last night I had a horrible dream, where they took my braces off and immediately my teeth started shifting into a horrible configuration, way worse than ever before I got braces, and the only way to make them stop moving... was to put them back on. It was quite a nightmare.

It's clearly time for them to come off. Obviously. I mean, I worked at a doctor's office part-time, so I know about these kinds of things.

Baby Love

I assumed, oh a week in Michigan? I'll wear my rubber bands all the time. I'll have nothing else to do right?

Well wrong on both accounts. I am doing a lot of baby holding. Which is AWESOME. I am in love with this tiny little person.

Also, it is difficult to constantly wear rubber bands while also constantly trying to snack. I even tried to chew with them in. Bad idea.

But another week is down!!!

You Only Have Yourself to Blame

And by you I mean me. I mean I. I only have myself to blame.

I woke up this morning, and since it was my only morning to sleep past 8, I did. 9:30 rolls around and I think, "today might be a good day to get my ties changed. They are pretty yellowed and I don't want to meet my new niece with yellow braces. How rude! What would she think of her crazy/ cool Actress Aunt from L.A.?"

So off I go to Santa Monica (... mmm... smell the ocean with me). Laying in the chair I interject, "you know, my real appointment is only two weeks away if you wanna do stuff today?"

He takes a look, the doc takes a look. Then comes the question, "How are you doing with those rubber bands?"

Now unlike every other visit where he doesn't even ask and just commends me on my work, this stings a little. Because I know what he means. In the beginning of December I got an awesome 2nd job waiting tables at The Foundry on Melrose. It is considered fine dining (I know seriously, who am I?) so I haven't worn my rubber bands to work. Not once.

After a while, since I was already used to not wearing them to work, sometimes I didn't wear them to my other job, which is in a mall, and its OBVIOUSLY totally acceptable to wear them. Then I would slack on nights when my jaw hurt. Then I would prolong putting them back on after eating thinking... maybe I'll have another chip. A chip I shouldn't be eating in the first place.

I only have myself to blame.

The good news is, he said everything else is done. Everything except my overbite, which is moved with the rubber bands.

My hope is to have these suckers off by March 16th, exactly 1 year. So when I expressed this hope to the doc, and asked if it is reasonable, he replied that if I continue with the bands the way I have been, absolutely not in a million years would they come off in 6 weeks.

THE VERDICT:

I have doubled up a rubber band on the right side. Yup. 2 on one side pulling the same teeth. And I essentially have to wear them all the time.

So for those who still read this. Who did not give up hope for me when the blogs ceased this winter, I ask one thing of you. If you see me without rubber bands - Tell me to put them on. If you live in a different state and won't see me before they are off- Text, Call, Email, Walkie Talkie, or throw a note in a bottle, and help me keep these sweet bands on so I can get these sweet braces OFF! I NEED YOU!

Excuses, Excuses

My hard drive crashed. Like crashed and burned crashed. Like, it's a good thing I blog and have pictures on the internet because I lost EVERYTHING and never followed my boyfriend's instructions to "back up my stuff" crashed.

So today, after 2 long arduous weeks, I have a computer again, and am back at my blogging that was already slowing to an almost halt before the crash. Now I find I have so much to catch up on I don't even know where to begin. So I shall begin with a list... because I LOVE lists. seriously I do.

1. My sister had a baby!! A little girl named Sydney Evelyn Adair, and I will see her next week.

2. My dad came to LA to visit! And I was thisclose to winning the "Price is Right." (not really)

3. My acting classes have begun and it is amazing!!! I forgot how much I love acting!

"Wait a second Chelsea, You haven't mentioned your braces at all? And this is a braces blog. I don't give a crap about your sister's baby or your hard drive. I want the dirt on the teeth!!!"

Well how rude of you to act like the arrival of my niece isn't noteworthy. But point taken, I'll get on with it.

Teeth are forever the same. Or so it feels. My next visit is Feb 16th but I am trying to get in for a tie change this week. Partly cuz they're yellow, and partly to see if they will crank them early. I am desperate to get news of their imminent departure. March 16th is 1 year, so I'm hoping for a March 16th removal.

Big thing standing in the way? Literally, a gaping whole. It's about time for the implant, etc. and I'm discovering that I just truly can't afford all of the dental damage this has caused. This wasn't just braces. It also included a tooth extraction, implant/bridge, and retainers... the fur coat, diamond bracelet, bedroom set. Wait, I didn't need those things for braces? Oh that Hollywood dentist is gonna get it!

I am also assuming I will need some serious whitening afterwards as well. So I may just have to go the cheaper route and do the bridge.

Well, as an attempt to gear up for what I am hoping is my final month and a half with braces, I intend to blog at least once a week. That is, as long as I go sans hard drive crash.

To a new year and new beginnings...

Isn't that what we all say? Every year. Resolutions, usually including weight loss. Work harder. Do more "fun stuff."

Well although this blog is happening a week into the new year, and implies I have already fallen off the wagon, I would like to think I really mean it this time. The braces are closer and closer to coming off and every day I feel more anticipation. I have started to prepare for their exeunt in a myriad of ways.

First, I signed up for 2 acting classes to oil the old machine. I am so excited! (don't ask how I am paying for them. because it involves walking someone's dog).

Secondly, I decided to get more fruitful sleep. So I bought a bed!!! For the first time ever! And it is glorious. My Simmons Beautyrest Pillowtop and I have become fast girlfriends. But she's the only girlfriend that doesn't keep me up all night with funny stories.

Thirdly, unrelated to my braces, but in an attempt to make my life more full and rich with experiences, I am intending to travel the west coast. Starting today. I went to Malibu, which is only 30 minutes out of LA, but give me a break. Baby Steps people.

Here are some pictures from my lovely day off:

Malibu coast line

This is before I ate tacos. And then had so much food stuck in my teeth it looked like I had "another bite left."