The Good Hurt

You know when you go for a run or lift weights and your muscles start to really ache and although it hurts and all you want to do is stop you know that means it is working and your muscles are getting stronger? You know the good hurt? That's what my teeth feel like today.

Yesterday was my regular orthodontic checkup or as I like to call it, "going in to get my teeth cranked." Again, for what feels like the hundredth time I forgot to take asprin beforehand. The pain was tolerable this time but the tech said , and I quote, "you just looked at me with murder in your eyes." Whoops.

There have been additions to my braces!! I got something called a button glued to the inside of one of my teeth. (circled in red, the red arrow is pointing out my new zit. My face is still getting used to the California smog).

So this button is there to pull that tooth back in line and create a new rubber band configuration seen here:

But don't be fooled. I still have to add the other three rubber bands I had going with this awkward inside out band. I LOVE IT! IT HURTS SO GOOD!!!

I did ask Dr. Newhart in a round about way when they were coming off and he caught on to me. He is too smart for me! But he did say my teeth were moving beautifully and I could ask when they were coming off next time, which is December 16th!!!!

The pain of it all was quickly forgotten by my unexpected hang out with an old college friend who happened to be in LA!

Inspiring my Teeth to Move Faster

Inspiration is something everyone needs, myself included. We all have our own personal ways of finding inspiration for whatever it is we have set out to achieve. For instance, a dear friend of mine who is a very talented writer and overall awesome human being finds his inspiration in theatre, coffee, and whiskey. All successful muses for him.

I have a few. The embarrassing one is watching people on the "Biggest Loser" win a mile race and then cry and then see they have lost 10 pounds.

Lately I have been feeling inspired by my Alma Mater, The University of Michigan.

First of all not one, but TWO of the awesome actors from my acting program have made huge accomplishments this week! Jimmy Wolk starred in Lonestar on FOX (watch it tonight) and had a supporting role in You Again with Betty White!! I wonder if he asked her about St. Olaf. (Too soon for a Golden Girls joke?)

Then my dear friend and always a positivity of light Darren Criss booked Glee!!! Wooo HOoooo!!

Not to mention the awesomeness of the new Starkid Theatre all the Michigan Grads are working on in Michigan/ Chicago ( Nick Lang if you are reading this, I think you still owe me a dance from Theatre Prom and I have not forgotten. You can't wear a ruffled shirt, and then not give the girl a proper dance. Clearly I'm still upset).

Finally, you should already know this, including you Adam my Ohio State friend, that Michigan is having one of the best football seasons in a LOOONNNNGGG TIME.

GO BLUE!!

So with my fellow Alums and School giving me so much inspiration, I have set out some game plans. I have a Game Plan for how to get "back in the black." I also have one for my career. And now I am working on one for... you guessed it, these old braces.

So here's the setup: It's Monday. My next ortho visit is Wednesday. That gives me 2 days to pull the teeth completely into alignment so they will come off on Weds. OR at the very least pull them in enough so they take these GOD FORSAKEN TURBOS OF THE BACK OF MY TEETH!!!!!!! Then I'm going to call the play "taken them off" which is where I casually but sternly convince to Dr. To take them off before Christmas. Since this will never work I have the followup play called "take them off by mid January so I am not an Aunt for the first time with braces." I think that one is self-explanatory.

And BREAK!

Hail, Hail to Michigan. Get these things off my teeth.

"California Braces Showdown the Entertainment Industry"

by Chelsea O'Connor

September 16th, Friday at 4:36pm a statement was issued signed by all film production companies in Los Angeles after a week long meeting held in Hollywood. It exclaimed that all production houses in LA would no longer employ performers of the "character" type. "In light of the recent economic situation and the rising popularity of Reality Television, the film producers met in an attempt to turn around this failing industry, and this is the agreement we have reached," Mark Stalin, CEO of Dreamworks. "It has been made clear to us that while the average American is now sitting at home drinking, eating, watching TV, wallowing in self-pity over their inability to afford their gym membership they had more for the look of the card in their wallet than the actual use of the gym, they would prefer to look at pretty people."

Aside from just preferences a researcher from Harvard's psychology department thinks there is even more to this. Jane Dykema PHD says, "The best way to get people working again is to encourage them to go back to school. The top 3 available job positions in this country are Doctors, Lawyers, and Policeman. Coincidentally, these are also the most popular TV dramas. And if we only cast attractive people with unobtainable bodies in these roles, the statistics tell us that people will go back to school. It's science."

This statement was released at 4:36pm Friday afternoon. At 7pm Friday evening, the time when all the associates and assistants of the Producers, Casting Directors, and Writers finally get to leave to salvage their weekend, they were greeted with a protest from a single person. In each film lot a young woman, whom upon further inspection was wearing braces, was blocking the entrance to the gate. The associates were stuck inside their film lots all weekend until 10AM this Monday morning, two hours after their workday was supposed to begin, one hour before their boss would arrive.

Our sources tell us these girls are part of a Character Actor Coalition, led by none other than Chelsea "Leinberger" O'Connor, who was posted at the Paramount Lot. Clearly some misgivings took place. The associates and assistants in all locations except at HBO and ABC Family were found this morning burning copies of the memo from Friday afternoon's proceedings and plastering posters outside the building saying "let people be fat" "bring characters back" "braces are nerdy/hot."

Some witnesses from the weekend said these girls led them in sing-alongs around the memo created campfire and regularly stood on soapboxes giving speeches and showing clips from TV's "The Biggest Loser."

Assistants at HBO and ABC were interviewed this morning about their studios lack of revolt. They both wished to remain anonymous but gave statements to our reporter. The HBO assistant said, "We signed that document with our fingers crossed behind our back. Have you ever watched our programming? We won't get rid of weird people. We just had a party in the lot with our braceface. Sarah Jessica Parker even showed up!"

The ABC Family assistant was difficult to understand due to lack of vocal inflection but was quoted saying, "We love Mickey Mouse. We love family shows. We love people like us."

The LAPD ascended upon these bracketed woman who were clearly seeking selfish revenge, but all of them got away due to these real policeman's lack of physical fitness.

Clearly a change has come to the film industry. Again. Since the change that came last Friday.

Happy 6 Month Anniversary!!

I am not one for celebrating anniversaries. The only "anniversaries" I ever had were dating and living in New York. As far as dating anniversaries go... meh. I know most girls might disagree with me. But seriously, if you're not married it just never completely made sense to me. (not to say that I didn't celebrate said anniversaries. It felt very adult at 16. And by now you should know I'm EXTREMELY adult.) Stephan and I have been dating roughly a year and three months, give or take. I use roughly and give or take because we aren't even sure when we started dating.

But today I am reconsidering anniversaries in general.

Why? BECAUSE IT IS MY 6 MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF WEARING BRACES.

Now I have never been married that I know of. (Vegas in the 7th grade was crazy. Maggie and I won 2,000 tickets at Circus Circus and drank too much Coke. Anything could have happened.) I also have never had a child. (Can you picture me pregnant with braces? It is the funniest thought to my friend Kirsten. Her and I disagree on this). And finally, I have never retired from a job after 50 years. But I HAVE graduated from high school and college. So I am slightly aware of what accomplishment feels like.

So I ask all those reading this who previously wore braces, didn't you feel a lack of congratulations and pampering on the anniversaries of your braces?? Shouldn't people have made you a cake saying "You made it this far!" or "Congrats on looking better!" or even "That much closer to not being weirded out by your smile!" I want to go back to my middle school brace-free self and bake a cake for all of my friends when they hit an important brace marker and then throw them a party when they come off!

Today is MY anniversary. To celebrate, I did a few things. First, I wrote a Braces Haiku:

I lasted six months.

Keep the pliers away, so

I'll make it six more.

Then, I took my braces to the beach and bought them a gift of 4 tubes of toothpaste. If you feel the desire to celebrate with me, I am registered at: Dr. Newhart Orthodontics in Los Angeles and the dental care section of Target.

Reflection is sweet and so is the chocolate I am eating

The last few days I became aware that I was swiftly approaching my 6 month mark. Can you believe it? I barely can. The only thing that makes me realize I have had them on this long is how I forget I have them, and then look in the mirror and go "what the hell???" I am not 100% sure when they are coming off at this point, which I hear is the norm. I also hear that the norm is not wearing your retainer and all the teeth moving back. To that I say: "That's because you didn't go into bankruptcy to afford them, and all your friends were wearing them too!!!! These b****es are never moving back!!! - so much swearing in this blog. Not the norm for me, but perhaps a side affect of six months in dental agony.

So approaching what I am hoping is my half way mark, I took a look at my old blogs. This is what I have learned: 1. Wow, that whole not eating thing sucked. 2. I can't believe how crooked those bottom teeth were! I am almost embarrassed I walked around like that. (except, not really) 3. I now look at other people's teeth ALL THE TIME . I can't help it. 4. I'm crazy. Seriously. The photo flipping the bird to the dentist?? Who do I think I am ??

Awesome is who I think I am.

Or normal with an internet outlet of blogging and a HUGE lack of shame.

The latter I think. p.s. I've been drinking wine through a straw. this could be the worst or best blog ever. but on my end it is GREAT.

So the question is, what is in store for the next 6 months? Even though the biggest lesson I learned the last few years is that you NEVER know what is in store for you, I do know a few things:

I will be a bracketed bridesmaid THREE times.

My sister Maggie will be married.

My sister Abbe will have her first baby.

I will be a first time aunt - with braces.

And I will live in Los Angeles and bask in the sun.

BE SURE TO CHECK BACK ON SEPTEMBER 16TH FOR A SPECIAL 6 MONTH CELEBRATION!!!!! (or not, you know, maybe it's not your thing) xoxo

Laughing and Crying

In my training as an actress I have learned many "theatre games," which often resemble children's games. But don't be fooled, our games are to be taken very seriously and are for the trained actor only... eh hem. Lately I have been thinking of the simple yet complex improv game entitled "Laughing and Crying."

L & C is a game where the scene partners, often 2 people, begin to laugh. It becomes an infectious, uncontrollable laughter, and at the peak of hilarity the actors begin to cry. The crying turns to wails and as we hit yelps and sobs... you guessed it, laughter again. This is usually a successful game because this is a typical life occurrence that most people can relate to.

I mention this because of my current situation. Let's set it up as a scene shall we?

Interior scene: (day)

The young mid-twenty something female stands in front of the mirror. She leans forward and plucks a white hair from her hairline. She begins to laugh. As she laughs we see the glint of silver in her mouth. This twenty-something has BRACES. The laughter escalates as the sun catches on the metal in her mouth and shines into her eye. Suddenly (cue room tone) it sounds as if she is crying. Her eyes no longer shine, but well into sadness. We see in her eyes a sense of disappointment, fear of failure, and lack of hope. The tears tumble into her mouth and suddenly her eye catches on something. A piece of food lodged in the gaping whole between her teeth. She laughs, at the irony of being an adult with braces and digs in to dislodge the rice from last night's Indian food. Her laughter escalates as she pulls out her trusty rubber bands, all four of them, and hooks them on to her teeth. Immediately the laughter turns into sobs and wails. The rubber bands on the side of the extraction cause excruciating pain that was unexpected by this mid-twenty-something brunette with braces and a few gray hairs.

Laughing and Crying. Very little laughing actually.

Because of the seriously excruciating pain while I wear the bands I went to my ortho to check in and make sure everything was ok. There was no way it could hurt this bad if nothing was wrong. Well... I was wrong. In fact he didn't understand why I had pain at all. Except for the fact that my teeth were now rapidly moving through torn flesh... So he bargained with me and gave me lighter bands to "work my way up." And while I was there he tweaked my braces a little.

End result: Chain on top AND on BOTTOM, 4 rubber bands, and a constant state of being on the verge of tears.

and laughter.

but mainly tears.

Next week I'll compare my life to the classic improve game "difficulty with small objects."