Amazing Discovery!!

This is my pre-braces photo shoot. Look carefully at the teeth out of line on the bottom front/right side.

This is Today:

Do you see this?? DO YOU SEE THIS?

IT'S WORKING!!!!

I know that technically it is is doing exactly what I am paying

$*, ***.** for and going into credit card debit for, but seriously. IT'S WORKING!!! I am so happy!!!!

And now I understand why I am having all this pain. But it's WORKING!!

The Metal Has Increased

Ladies, Gentleman, and middle schoolers who can sympathize: It has officially been 6 weeks since I was braced!! I would be lying if I didn't say that at this moment I feel a sense of achievement.

this is what I found when I googled "triumph"

I am a chronic complainer and a sucker for a "get rich quick" type of scheme. So enduring this lengthy process with MUCH to complain about I am glad to have made it 6 weeks without taking pliers to my own mouth. I am 1/8th of the way, 6.5 lbs lighter, and I have a blossoming relationship with my smoothie maker.

Not only was today my 6th week anniversary, but also my first "routine visit." I had been warned by many alums to take a painkiller before I went in and I promptly forgot this advice until I was exiting Dr. V's office. To sum up my visit - I Cried.

Laying back in the chair with my mouth wide open and a stranger's hands inside it, I cried. A solitary tear out of each eye. I felt like cry baby. Not A cry baby, but THEE CRY BABY.

I did not cry because I miss the taste of potato chips, or because I only got 4 1/2 hours of sleep last night after working a 14 hour day, or because of my hormones, or because I am starting to get really nervous and scared about moving to California, or because I am 25 and possibly on the verge of amounting to nothing causing severe disappointment with myself and more importantly for my parents. Although one/some/all of these things might be true, I "cried" because the girl twisted wire around my teeth so hard I thought my tooth popped out into her perfectly manicured hand. ( I have to say that the women in this office do an excellent job with their makeup, hair, and nails. Gorgeous women. I should really be taking notes during my visits).

The truth is she yanked, and two drops of water flew out of my eyeballs. As if the tooth was attached to a water supply. Still... I cried at the orthodontist. I think that is called hitting bottom?

Anyway, I took some Tylenol Arthritis Pain (that is all we had at our office). Although it seemed to help with this week's case of Arteriosclerosis, the tooth pain has not stopped. My mashed up dinner was even slightly painful this evening.

Positives? She changed the rubber bands so my curry colored teeth are gone! Yay !! Also, she said the reason it hurt so much was because this wire is a lot stronger than the old one. She didn't mention that it is also darker and thicker= much more noticeable. Oh well! It's not like the only person who I care to impress is coming to New York this weekend and going to see the braces for the first time in real life instead of through IChat... cuz that would suck.

Check out the pics!

Me in pain and unimpressed.

Soooo Metallic Now!

Still not biting correctly :(

4 Weeks To Go...

... until I leave New York. I got you didn't I? You thought it had something to do with my braces. Nope. Not a chance. These ceramic joys are glued on and here to stay.

If you read this blog (either by force, or because this is your chance to laugh at that girl from high school you were always secretly jealous of because she was so skinny and pretty (in which case you have the wrong blog. Stephanie Framke has not started a blog yet but when she does I will let you know. :)) Then you may have noticed I have not written in a while. The reason is because the only enlightening thing to happen braces related, is also related to my digestive system and other unmentionables. I will just say this: apparently when you do any sort of fasting (in my case a chew fast) your body becomes more efficient at the cleansing process and starts to work on "the old stuff." So it discovers the cheeseburger still in your system from Kristen Callaghan's surprise birthday party from 2001. Unpleasant things ensue requiring further action. I'm feeling better. 'Nough said.

Since I am trying, not so successfully, to refrain from making both of us blush I will now highlight all recent events that will not cause my mother to say (gasp) " I can't believe Chelsea put that on the internet!"

This is an ad on the subway.

1. I told my crazy Greek landlady that has terror tweens, a nasty lazy son-of-a-b**** ex-husband, and a sick father in and out of the hospital- That I am moving out in a month! Huzzah!!! Seriously, don't feel bad for her. I wake up every morning to the sounds of her and her son screaming back and forth. EVERY. MORNING.

2. I gave notice to both of my jobs.

My day job is working for Dr. Gonzalez. www.dr-gonzalez.com I learned a lot from the doctors, from book publishing, to better eating habits, to cancer. Talking to people who were diagnosed yesterday with metastatic cancer has changed me forever and I am so grateful for the experience. I will miss it. I think it is the best non-acting job I have ever had. Although the summer of coal shoveling is a close second. What will I not miss? Reading about new diseases and then a week later being convinced I have it. I currently have sciatica. Next week I will have arteriosclerosis.

Comix wanted something put in writing for my notice. Here is my first draft.

Comix - it's not you, it's me. I just feel that this three and a half year roller-coaster relationship has become unhealthy for both of us. You treated me bad and I took you back. I treated you bad and you took me back - 3 times. Off and on. Back and forth. It's time to officially end what mentally ended a long time ago. Don't think I don't appreciate you. You swept me off my feet my third week in New York City and promised me a roof over my head and unconditional buffalo chicken tenders, and you never failed. I'll never forget the good times. Remember when Collin Quinn hugged me? Or when I waited on Kanye? Ahh, memories. Well, I'm bad at goodbyes. So on my last day I will walk out the front door silently with dry cheeks, my head held high, and all the money from the register stuffed into my apron.

*Comix managers- please be aware this is a joke. I have no intention of robbing you on my last day or ever.

3. I discovered I can eat Indian food. Gorged on Curry. One week later and my braces are still slightly stained orange. AWESOME.

4. First big braces adjustment is on Tuesday morning. Can you believe it's been 6 weeks? Yes. YES. I CAN BELIEVE IT. LAY OFF ME I'M STARVING.

(click on the link)

CALLING ALL TURNCOATS!

I have a brilliant idea! ... Ok let me back up.

On Monday evening my original plans were to make money by serving people food I can't eat and drinks they don't want. Unfortunately the world, and Comix, felt I was unworthy for such a night. So I went to Whole Foods, adoringly nicknamed by my friend Cynthia "Whole Paycheck" to get new smoothie ingredients.

On my way home I ran into a friend from college (Felipe) and his friend (Johnathan). Conversation led to braces ( I can't help it!!) We're discussing my chewing fiasco and Felipe tells me he had a "chin cup" which brings to mind a horrible mental comparison between a men's cup for baseball and a strap for the measles. I mean mumps. Whatever. No one knows anymore since we found the MMR shot. ( What's the R stand for again?)

I digress.

Then a stranger on the subway leans in and says "I had the metal thing too. I couldn't chew for months."

Others do exist! I didn't make it up!!! And guess what? SHE PUT CHICKEN IN THE BLENDER!!

I met a fellow meat blender-er and her name is Margo. Hello Margo if you are reading this. I think we should start a club. We can call it "Puree Anonymous."

Oh! My Brilliant idea! I almost forgot.

All of you people who "say" you had braces and got them off for whatever reason. You "got sick of it" or "it hurt too much" or "treatment was finished" or some crap like that, I want you to email me pictures of you in your gear and I am going to post them. I realize for most of you this requires calling your mother and teaching her to use the scanner. Well, do it!! This is important! People are counting on you!! (And by people I mean me, and by important I mean it has been a month, I am losing steam and hope and need to rebuild my morale).

SO DO IT!

* Brilliant idea was purchased from Kirsten Benjamin

Back to the sirens, the smells, and the smoothies

I had a lovely time in Sarasota, FL this weekend. The weather was almost perfect, and the endless jokes at the expense of old people made my sides ache (My parents bought a condo in a 55+ community). The heated outdoor pool was luxurious in the 85 degree weather (I think old bones get colder faster?)

Tips for fellow brace-facers:

1. If you, like me, can not chew, do not gain magical thinking and assume that because you are on vacation maybe you can chew potato chips. You can't. You can't enjoy the foods around you that everyone else is thoroughly enjoying. So get over your bad attitude and pack some naked juices in your purse when you go to the steak house. (Day 1 was rough)

2. Do not think that because you now have braces your skin is invincible to the sun. It is not. So do not lay in the sun sans sunscreen chomping on chips.

3. DO learn from your elders and start a wii bowling league.

Pictures for your enjoyment:

This is my future. Do you see Abbe's pearly whites? She is the only person from my family to have braces. I am excited by her turnout and encouraged by her dental compassion.

Sisters at Siesta Key Beach!

Wii bowling lanes for Aunt Bonnie and Uncle Dick (the pic with them got corrupted on my camera)

BRACES on VACATION

BRACES on VACATION

B: is for Brushing my teeth in the airport public restroom. Typing of the airport, who knew JFK was awesome?? I always fly through LaGuardia because I live 15 minutes away. But JFK is GLORIOUS in comparison. President Kennedy, I hope they made you proud.

R: is for the rest and relaxation I hope to get when I am not painting, sanding, or cleaning my parents new Florida home.

A: is for my slight Allergy to the sun. I love the sun. And it loves me back. Only it shows me like a boy in middle school. Pointing, teasing, and red rash all over my body. Seriously Sun- give me break. The braces make me feel uncomfortable enough.

C: is for checked luggage. I have brought an obscene amount of luggage - because this is how I am moving to California. Bag by bag I am moving it through airplanes and shipping. Luckily Jet blue does not charge for your first checked bag. Anyone flying from NYC to LA or DTW - would you like to take a bag for me? Just ignore all the announcements at the airport implying I have filled the bag with drugs or other illegal substances. I would never do that...

E: Everyone's having fun?

S: is for Sisters Unite!! Abbe and Maggie (and Tim my brother-in-law) will be there joining my parents. I can't wait. But to be honest I am excited and nervous about the familial reaction to the new smile. I never got over that comment about my fluffy hair Maggie. It's not fluffy, it's full. There's a difference.

V: is for Verry Berry Smoothie, vacations, and Vunderlich = all things I like.

A: is for Adding new location to my "places I have traveled which makes me think I am cooler than you." For the record - 3rd city to see the braces.

C: is for Circus Boy. Magic Hat Circus Boy. Had it for the first time today at the airport. Chewing? Not necessary. Enjoyment? Mandatory.

A: is for Accessibility to liquids. We can no longer bring liquids to the airport because of "some" bigshot with "some" bad attitude who ruined flying. Well, has anyone thought about the people who CAN NOT CHEW???? You would think this is a small population. But as I look around at the people boarding this plane to Florida, I would say 60% of us can't chew. Probably only 20% have their own real teeth.

T: is for Tan. As in sun tan. As in the sun tan I will be watching my family members get. Fingers crossed for no heat rash, just So MANY FRECKLES!

I: is for Internet at the airport! You can't stop me from blogging! Mwah ha ha ha. ANOTHER reason to love Jet Blue. I am apparently their new spokesperson.

O: is for Ontario. Soooo happy to not be going there. Florida here I come!

N: is for Not gaining weight on vacation for the first time ever. No gorging on delicious fried foods = No vacation weight. Definitely positive... but still missing fried seafood, cheese, and chicken.

3 Weeks Down, 49 Weeks to Go

If you have ever excelled in math you might have noticed I am counting down on a 12 month scale. Although the orthodontist said it would be 10-12 months, I am trying not get my hopes up just to have them come crashing down. NO ONE wants to see pictures of me at 1o months crying and drinking a bottle of vodka because all of my taste buds have been destroyed and I can't chew. (Unless you are my secret nemesis and you only read my blog to get dirt on me. If that is true, here's a hint: I have no unearthed dirt. I do a pretty decent job of airing my own dirty laundry).

No catastrophic events happened in the last week causing me to put animal products in the blender, but it felt time for a new post. So today I have a mish mash (?) of thoughts to get off my teeth... I mean chest... I mean teeth.

First, thank you to everyone who reads this and has responded. Your overall general dental enthusiasm is encouraging and much appreciated!! I have loved getting recipes and food ideas! I am in the process of trying them out. Does anyone have a slow cooker I can borrow? I'll give it back. But it might be a while since everything cooks so slow. (bad joke)

Second, I could use some suggestions for what to use in place of food. For example: I had a really long day, nothing went right, and it is raining- I get Thai takeout. OR I had a really great day, it is sunny, and I'm so happy - I get Thai takeout. OR I want to reward myself because I had a great audition and someone offered me an acting gig - I get Thai takeout.

There seems to be a pattern. Thai can also be replaced with sushi, a burger and fries, fried anything, a large bag of kettle-cooked potato chips, a bowl of bread, and more.

So now what? Go for a walk? Pet a dog? Write a blog??? The answer was so simple before. Now I can't rely on food to make me feel or change my emotions. LAME.

I got this chart. I hope it helps.

BUT I have had many successes! Dinner made of hummus, falafel, israeli salad and tahini (mushed together of course) was a treat! And I have lost at least 3 Lbs!

Please enjoy the following photos that show my ups and downs the last couple of weeks:

SOUP PICK OF THE WEEK: Lobster Bisque by Cosi

Classy. I belong in California Wine Country:

That is a bin of potato chips. It's a love hate relationship:

Upon hearing of my denture adventure a friend compared my extra sunk-in tooth to a shark's second set of teeth. Now a shark can know my pain: