6 days, 22 hours and 32 minutes

The Rapture didn't happen, but you can count your chickens before they hatch that my braces are COMING OFF one week from right now.

Sorry, the blog is nearing the end and I need to include as many messed up metaphors as I can. That's kinda my thing. Mainly because I often don't know they have been poorly placed, or that I got part of the phrase wrong, until someone says something.

So it's definitely happening. And how do I know this? Well a few ways actually. First, OBVIOUSLY the paper chain. Hellloooo. Today's link made me giggle when I tore it, because again, I screwed up a "metaphor" if you will.

Yes I realize what it's supposed to be, but apparently at the time... I did not.

Secondly, I also know its happening because I had a very vivid dream last night/ this morning: They took the braces off and when I looked in the mirror, I only had 3 teeth in my top row. 3!!!! And they were not even the front 2! It was 3 on one side and everyone acted like, well what did you expect, that's how they looked before? It was so real, I woke up and immediately looked in the mirror, almost surprised to find that they were all there.

It almost makes me a little bit nervous about them coming off. Like what if they look worse than they did before. What if I look crazy? I mean I always look crazy but what if I look CRAZIER??

Well I guess I'll just find out!! The next 7 days would be filled with anticipation if I wasn't being worked like a slave by my current employers.

Happy Memorial Weekend! Go eat that Corn on the Cob!

Zen Philosophies... or ramblings

The best thing about a paper chain is that you don't have to do anything, aside from make the chain, but you feel accomplished simply because another day has passed.

So often I wish time moved slower. College could have lasted longer, especially the last year. Certain days I wish would have lasted 48 hours instead of the mere 24. And here I am staring at this chain wishing I were tearing the last link.

Well soon I will be, and then I'll wish I would have done more while the braces were on. Should have worked out more, should have taken more classes, should have met more people in the LA entertainment business. (But I won't go as far as to say I wished my braces were still on).

But the truth is Braces on or Braces off, I am still just me, living another day. And although June 1st will be a great day for sure, what is making any other day less great? The only difference might be that any other morning I didn't wake up with the same hope and excitement for the day.

Well maybe that should change. Because I can still go to the gym more, take more classes and meet people. I can still wake up every day, swallow my fears and hesitations, and only welcome the hope, love, and excitement in my life. And be proud of the fact that I haven't lost sight of my goals and dreams. Copper chops or not.

And seriously, the metal should really have been working as an electric conductor anyway, which would probably up my endorphins. I worked in a power plant so I know these things. So what if it was shoveling coal, I still know it.

26 days... so says the Paper Chain

Ladies and Gentlemen, the clock is ticking down. And in order to make time a tangible thing, my new friend Caitlyn and I have made the ultimate paper chain. It started with a couple sheets of paper, some markers, and wheat thins:

Then we chained it up. We thought there was no way one could make mistakes to the chain, I mean c'mon we made these in the 4th grade. Turns out, you can turn the numbers upside down. Whatever it still works!

Caitlyn did this pose "in case I forgot what the chain was for:

Ahhh 26 days and counting. The freedom is so close. And just for old times sake, here are the final photos of my mouth interiors. This is the way it should stay. Isn't it gorgeous?

Let the Countdown Begin!

I am overjoyed! I am don't even have words for how I feel right now.

That's a lie of course I do.

Today I went to the ortho to have impressions made for my positioner i.e. the plastic thing that comes after my braces and before my retainers. I haven't heard of this before so I am assuming this is a new technology that was unavailable to my friends 15 years ago. First of all G-R-O-S-S. My impressions in NYC were tolerable and tasted like Bubble Gum. These tasted like glue and felt like it too. The tech was having such a hard time getting them out I thought a tooth was going to break off.

20 mins of scraping mold off my braces later, the doc comes over to check my bite. In reminiscence of my earlier days of blogging, I will now shift over to a dialogue scene.

Dr. N: (to the tech) Make sure they leave the gap for L5 (i.e. baby tooth hole)

Dr. N: (to me) Beautiful. That's it. 4 weeks.

Me: 4 weeks? They're coming off?

Dr. N: Yup no more guessing. You can make the appointment.

Me: Oh my God seriously? (Jumps out of chair and hugs Dr. N. Then Jumps on top of chair.) Dr. Newhart and all technicians I just want to thank you for your hard work. I couldn't be here today on the verge of looking slightly better than I did a year ago without all of your help. I will never forget what you did for me. Especially you Eli. I am still upset about that one adjustment. But I thank you. Without pain, there is no...gain. (Wild applause, I kiss each technician on the cheek, and the receptionists toss roses at my feet.

Ok, but seriously EVERYTHING HAPPENED LIKE THAT. Oh except for obviously the ridiculous part. The receptionists don't just keep roses at their desk.

MY BRACES ARE COMING OFF IN 4 WEEKS!!!! That is 2 weeks earlier than the last prediction.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I could put this feeling in words. You know what? As weird as it sounds, considering the only thing I DID was shell out thousands of dollars and wear my rubber bands, I feel a sense of accomplishment. Achievement. I actually followed through on something to the end. Including this blog! Who knew I would actually keep it up for this long!

I am elated!

Happy Valentine's Day...?

I was cleaning my room today - making room for some new bedroom furniture, for those of you who don't know which is probably all of you, I have been living in Los Angeles this entire time without owning a dresser. It started as being too poor, which was still the case until about 6 weeks ago and then I became too lazy.

Well I got a nightstand yesterday and a dresser is on its way! Look at me growing up!

I digress. As I cleaned my room, I found my Valentine's Card from my Mom. I left it out saying, "This must go on the blog!" Well 2 months later here it is.

There are so many reasons why this was hilarious:

1. The inside said, "and it still does." the card manufacturer probably assumed that the adult daughter receiving this card no longer had a childlike smile.

2. I called my mom to thank her for the card saying, "I can't believe you found a card with a girl in braces." and She said, "what do you mean? I didn't find a card with braces?" Now either I'm crazy and seeing things wrong from an inkblot test, or this girl has hearts for braces? My mom's just so used to my look, and loves me like only a mother could, she started to think everyone looked like this.

3. I still wear my hair like that.

One week down, ...potentially, hopefully, please God 8 more weeks to go.

Life Without a Plan...

* Please note before reading that Facebook finds this blog to be abusive. Which means someone flagged my material for abusive content. So if you have a queasy stomach and do not like hearing about teeth and life goals, please step away from the blog.

I am a planner. That's what I do, I plan. I'm not implying that I don't also DO, but I rarely DO without first a PLAN. Your correct response right now should be, "And how's that working out for you?"

You see I often believe so much in the plan that I forget it is essentially a hypothetical situation, a loose outline if you will. I dig in my heels, put my blinders on and set out to achieve this crazy idea, turning down ideas that I would LOVE simply because I hadn't written it down on my "Goal Sheet." (Its pathetic, I really have a goal sheet) So when March 16th rolled around and my braces were still on, all I could think was "THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN!" Well, it's April 14th and I can most certainly say that the braces are on for another month.

Yesterday was my checkup appointment, and although this blog post is starting with a peculiar tone, what I have to share is triumph! I officially have a "date" from the doctor. I know when they should be coming off! Woo Hoo!!!! It is not next week or next month, but at least the end is in sight. (why is she being so weird and hasn't said when the date is yet?) Well, I'm avoiding making yet another plan.

Don't worry, I'm sure I'll explode next week with a countdown. I already have plans to make a paper chain. But come on now, who doesn't love paper chains? We can play Zero the Hero.

I DO need to mention that this is not coming without a cost. When I said "I will do ANYTHING for them to come off before the end of June." He requested a Huckleberry Pie. I of course responded with "I'll make 3!!" He chuckled and I eventually realized I know huckleberry's because they are grown in Michigan. Where am I gonna find them out here??? So I'm on the search.

Also, I am on the search while wearing 4 very visible rubber bands in my mouth, with the instructions, "If you want them off in 9 weeks, you better wear these like a maniac."

So if you find a maniac with crazy eyes, rubber banded mouth, walking through the fruit fields of California, offer me some water cuz I'm probably really thirsty. Oh, can I borrow your chapstick too?

Oops, just told you when the braces are coming off.

Wait.. no WMDs??

I am currently strategizing on my maneuvers for the Preemptive War that will be waged on Wednesday April 13th at 9:30am, my next appointment. Those in the LA area should stock up on water and stand in a doorway.

You might be asking why? what did they/I do? Well if you paid attention during the Bush Administration you would know that they didn't need to do much, or anything at all. But they did.... ooooh they did.

Last week I popped by to fix a bracket and when I engaged conversation with the tech, he implied I had MINIMUM 3 more months, but could be 6 MONTHS. And by implied, I mean he laughed at my silly little thought that they might come off this month.

Now clearly I haven't been forceful enough. I realize that the doc has his reasons for being vague about the end time, but for REAL? 3 MORE MONTHS?? 6 MORE MONTHS??? There is going to be a STERN talking to. STERN! (I just hope that I am the one doing the talking).

This is driving me to drink. And I can't afford to drink. Which means I have become a glutton of Trader Joe's $1.99 wine (yes out in California it actually IS 2 Buck Chuck). I am a wino. This is me declaring my status as a California Surfer Hippie WINO.

Just remembered I don't surf.

And That I believe in Capitalism.

And apparently a Wino is someone who consumes more than 2 glasses of wine per day.

Seriously Dr.??? You can't even give me that??? Now I am just a broad in braces and with a red stained mouth.