Unemployment woes... coming to an end? Let's hope.

I started writing a blog yesterday focused on the fact that I believe the #1 reason I do not have a job yet is because I have braces.

Then yesterday I had a panic attack during my interview at the Gap... and they called me back for a second interview today. Then I was offered a babysitting job, followed by 2 interviews for places I had long forgotten I applied. All this yesterday. So clearly I can no longer blame the braces for my unemployment. I CAN blame them for many other things however.

But today I am pondering this: Why is it the older you get the more decisions you have to make? New York or LA? Part-time or Full-time? Broke and creatively fulfilled or Rich and unhappy/ bored out of my mind? Clear rubber bands or colored bands? Mention the braces or pretend they are not there?

3 days ago the options were beg for money on the street or wait tables at a strip club? Today it is babysit or work in retail or in a coffee shop?

I like my new options but choosing is still just as hard. "4 Play Gentleman's Club" was looking really good there for a second.

I can't even make a decision on my new braced headshots. Maybe the blog readers ( hi Mommy) can make my decision for me so it will be one less I have to deal with. Here are the top 5 that have yet to be photoshopped, i.e. taking out the shadows etc.

I know you are sick of seeing my face...

... but in pursuit of what is left of my acting career, scarred by the lack of self-confidence when I open my mouth, I have decided to get "Braces Headshots." For those of you reading this who are not in the entertainment business, you should know headshots are not Cheap. Your hire the photographer, then you hire his recommended makeup artist, then you pay for touchups, then finally you order the 8x10s, the post cards, and the business card prints.

When I first moved to NYC I spared no expense, got it all, including one of the top NYC photographers. www.jordanmatter.com In the end, I spent over $1,000 right off the bat.

When the braces come off (off? did someone say they are coming off? OMG?? WHAT?? Yes! YES! YES!!! oh. me. I said it.)

when the braces come off, I will have to do this all over again. Until then I need a headshot WITH them so when I show up to audition I am not perceived as a BIG FAT LIAR. (although I am trying to get back on the P90x workouts so hopefully they would refer to me as the brace faced liar with sculpted arms).

So today's the day. My lovely friend Bora, not a photographer but an owner of a camera and a creative sensibility, has agreed to take my pictures.

Usually before people get their pictures they stay in all week, drink nothing but water, eat no carbs and get a hair cut. I, on the other hand, have barely been sleeping because of my panicked cover letter filled dreams, followed by coffee - not water- to keep me awake, and can't afford an LA haircut. And then last night I made a colossal mistake. I made CURRY for dinner.

This morning I woke up to neon yellow rubber bands on my teeth.

I hope it looks like I eat boogers. Wish me luck.

For those who missed my anecdotes...

Apologies. Apologies. Unbeknownst to me, my blog writer went on vacation without telling me. How Rude. What? You don't think I write this stuff do you? Please. I am busy and important. I am a blossoming Hollywood starlet. I attend parties all night and sleep all day. I do NOT sit on my balcony on a borrowed folding chair, eating cold pizza, and writing this blog. But if I DID, this is what I would have to say:

SO many changes here in the braces world. First, let me note that I am closing in on the 5 month mark which is kind of the half way mark based on my first orthodontist's positive range of 10-12 months, if I only went 10. So in honor of this not so half way, half way mark, I made a photo montage. Of course I did.

(They are numbered in order. 4 was taken yesterday. aren't they GORGEOUS???)

Also I turned 26. I had my official cross over to late twenties. With braces. HOT. But since I know very few people in LA, only 5 people attended, and one of them was my boyfriend Stephan. So I think maybe it didn't count? Like 10 or more people have to witness your birthday or it never happened? Something to think about. Although after 35 everyone might start hiding in closets on their birthday.

I GOT AN APARTMENT!!! Ugh, seriously what a feat. No more gypsy life for me. I have hit my moving limit. Plus of not having an address on your birthday? I have been receiving belated birthday gifts in my new home! Yay! I must say, the braces were an interesting part of apartment hunting. The landlords were either like "Oh my gosh you are so cute. I hope you like this apt." And some were immediately like "How old are you???" Like I wouldn't be able to pay Rent! Like I wouldn't get a job or something!!!

On that note I have yet to find a job. My unpaid internship is completely underway, which means I will be able to pay for air an water. Don't get me wrong, they are totally important items. But I guess I was always after the glamorous life...

Things I would rather do...

than be wearing 4 rubber bands and a rubber band chain at once:

Do 4 workout videos from P90x in a row, including Ab Rippers.
Have to eat liquids for 2 more months.
Be homeless for another month.
Drive through Los Angeles rush hour traffic with no air conditioning.
Drive through Los Angeles rush hour traffic with my 9th grade CD of Dashboard Confessional as my only music option.
Drive across the country... again.
Food poisoning. Because it only lasts a day.

And so much more.

Please pass the prescription drugs/ non prescription drugs/ anything to numb this pain.

And now for your viewing pleasure, a somewhat creepy video found on the internet by none other than Bora Karaca.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIa9GNQA9sw

And so it begins... again.

Today was day one under the care of Dr. Scott Newhart. Needless to say things have changed. Hopefully, for the better! His exact words were "We've got a LOT of work to do."

Perfect. Exactly what I was hoping he would say. I of course never hoped he would say "oh my, your teeth look amazing. Two more months and they are off!"

Because that would be ridiculous.

(brief crying interlude)

Eh hem. Anyway, turns out that in LA they call my bite rim "turbos." Oooooh. I like it. Turbos. It sounds like I could blast off into space by the sparks in my mouth.

So here are the deets on my new treatment: There was chit chat of chains, step ups, and they kept referring to L5. I have NO idea. What DO I know? I have 4 rubber bands in my mouth.

4 - Two on each side!

They are classified on the bag as Extra heavy. Compared to my old bands classified as medium. Um, can you SEE the difference.

Basically what I am trying to say is I am in an unbelievable amount of pain. I don't even have a joke about it. It hurts that bad.

Well, the next step in this process is the removal of my baby tooth. We have been together so long, I am a little nervous about saying goodbye. But I guess it is time to become grown up.

I'm off to take some prescription drugs... Kidding!

... Anybody have any vicodin?

Today's look sponsored by Tylenol.

The metal glistens in the sunshine

I know what you are all wondering. The questions burning in your brain. The reason I know this? Because after being in Los Angeles and unemployed for exactly two weeks I have taken up the art of extrasensory perception ... a.k.a. I'm gonna be a PSYCHIC !!

Genius Right? I know.

So when I look into my crystal ball made out of the empty chinese takeout container from last night, I see that you (the few reading) want to know how LA receives my metal gear.

Well, I'll tell you. Essentially it is like anywhere, some people are nice and some people are jerks. I basically haven't associated too much with the unkind people. But no matter what there is always this look when I open my mouth like "...hhhuh." Usually followed by a reaction similar to "awwwwwww she's so cuuuuute." Or they forget about it.

All in all, not too bad, but I'm afraid of what will happen when I encounter what the actor postings call "LA Types."

The New Orthodontist

The Quest for the NEW Orthodontist

By Chelsea M. L. O.

After living in Los Angeles for 4 days I went to my first ortho consult. I tried to make a couple appointments to see Dr.'s when I got here but Dr. Sack of West Hollywood was the easiest to get in to see. To spoil the end of this story, I cried the entire drive home. And now, a scene (very little has been dramatized for effect).

Dr. S: So why did you move to LA?

Me: Well I was acting in New York, and I moved here to continue acting and working in the entertainment business.

Dr. S: Are you aware your acting career will suffer because of the braces? Agents don't take kindly to that you know.

Me: Yes. I'm aware and I'm pursuing other work right now.

(dialogue intermission due to rubbered hands jammed in my mouth)

(Dr. S begins calling out EXTREMELY insulting statements like "class 2 molars, severe over bite, possible jaw clicking". how rude...)

Dr. S: Are you a mouth-breather?

Me: ( embarrassed gasp) um, yeah, kinda.

Dr. S: That's what I thought. You have inflammation and gingivitis due to your excessive mouth breathing. I want you to see an ENT to fix your mouth/ nose breathing.

... (Dr. babble about how he completely disagrees with my treatment, wants to take my braces off and put new ones on, take new photos for an extra $300, and my treatment will still be $6,000)

then while explaining the lack of my upper lip length, he said ( and I am NOT exaggerating)

"We here in the city look at these details. I mean... this IS Hollywood."

This is the point where I said FU, flipped the bird, and said call my city ortho in New York City where people are smarter, and you can discuss the length of YOUR lip.

No I did not. I sat there while my eyes welled with tears and hated the day I moved to this city.

Lesson to be Learned? I often jump to conclusions and am drastically swayed by people's opinions. It turns out all I had to do was find a Michigander.

Dr. Scott Newhart will be my new orthodontist. While he can never replace Dr. V's place in my jaw he will definitely hold a candle to her. He got his Bachelor's from MSU (ahhhh yes) and he said upon entering the room "you have Michigan skin."

I fell in love.

He gave me a reasonable rate, agreed with my current treatment, and told me I had a beautiful face. He won over my heart, and my teeth.

And the world is right again.